In my last post, I broke down a college essay that was generated by Chat-GPT. This time I got Chat-GPT to generate me a common app essay, but from the voice of Wednesday Addams. I asked the bot to showcase her sort of dry sense of humor, her personality. The bot generated its own prompt: reflect on a time when you challenged societal norms or expectations. How did it impact you?
"It was prom season. That dreaded time when my fellow students were obsessing over dresses, dances, and popularity. The idea of conforming to such trivialities made my bones ache. So I hashed a plan, an alternative event to disrupt the status quo, the 'Goth gala.' I assembled a motley crew of misfits, the kindred spirits who embrace their darkness without apologies. We transformed the school gymnasium into a gothic paradise, complete with cobwebs, black roses, and haunting melodies. Our unconventional attire defied the norm, with lace, velvet and accessories fit for Creatures of the Night."
I love this opening. I love the level of detail, this idea of misfits kindred spirits. Cherry on top with the description of the cobwebs, the black roses, the haunting melodies.It really brings me in.
I think my one critique is that we actually start with those tangible items. So instead of telling us that it was prom season, I would've preferred if Wednesday sort of describe what a typical prom season looked like and then juxtapose it immediately in the next paragraph with what her ideal prom season looked like.
I would bring that level of sensory detail up to the front to faster get our attention. I think I would also like to see a little bit more analysis or some deeper academic thought of why Wednesday wants to reject the typical prom season. Like are there certain feminist or anti-feminist aspects about prom? What exactly is it that she is going against and standing so strongly in her beliefs that will really define her character and show the admissions officer that this girl represents X, Y and Z?
"Of course our endeavor faced opposition from those who couldn't fathom the beauty in our macabre celebration, but we persisted, fueled by the authenticity that radiated from our non-con confirming conforming souls."
Okay. Interesting. So Wednesday mentions that she faces opposition. But I would push Wednesday as my student to tell me a little bit more about that opposition.
Did something happen? Did a teacher come in to shut it down? Was she laughed at by her classmates who were going to the traditional prom? Like I want to know specifically what went down—what challenges did she face? Now remember, your common app essay is really like telling a story which has a beginning, middle, and end. If you think about it like a movie, if you think about it like a hero's journey, the hero always faces obstacles and it's like one obstacle after another. That's how the hero grows. So in this essay, to see Wednesday grow, I really need to understand the challenges that she faced, or the backlash that she faced, maybe during or after this event.
"The impact of the Goth gala was glorious chaos. It attracted a diverse collection of individuals who had been invisible amidst the sea of conformity. In our embrace of the peculiar and the unusual, connections were forged that transcended shallow social constructs."
I have a pitch for Wednesday. She mentions that she made new connections. What if she started off actually with maybe a friend or an outcast that was rejected by popular society in, at the beginning of this essay? We could paint a picture of someone that she knows, maybe a loner classmate. And then here at this portion of the essay, we would get a picture of that classmate fully enjoying themselves at this alternative prom.I would pitch this to Wednesday because I want to see how those connections are made.
I don't want Wednesday to tell me. Rather, I want to experience it. I want to feel like I'm there a part of the story. So name dropping that classmate would be super helpful in this instance, just giving us a little bit of flavor, a little bit of color, about this special bond that Wednesday formed with.
"As for me, the Goth Gala reminded me of the power of being true to oneself. It taught me to question societal norms and find fulfillment in embracing my individuality no matter how unsettling it may be for the masses."
Quick note there, I would want also a picture of how it was unsettling for everybody else.
"Since that fateful night, I've continued to challenge expectations in my own delightfully twisted ways, whether it's my morbid humor, my rejection of beauty standards, or my unwavering expression of opinions. I am the embodiment of defiance."
Okay, big terms. I actually do not think that Wednesday would write her essay like this; I think she would have a more subversive take on it. I am all for these grand statements if you are making them with a sense of irony. For example, in one of my own essays, I said something along the lines of, maybe one day I will like win a Tony Award. Of course that is so grand and grandiose and you're not promising the admissions committee that you're gonna go out and actually do these things, but you do have the opportunity to vision cast into the future: Here's who I am now, here's who I could possibly be. The gap between that is major, but you know what? I'm gonna write it down anyway. So the trick is when you make these sort of grandiose statements, you don't want to come across as arrogant or stuck up or entitled.
You do have to be aware of that, and that's a really subtle thing to capture. I think the real Wednesday would write something like this, but in a subversive, more subtle, nuanced way.
"In my pursuit of higher education, I seek an environment that cherishes authenticity and values the unorthodox. I will contribute my uniquely dark perspective to a community that appreciates the beauty in deviating from the norm. Together we will unravel the tapestry of conformity and create a new paradigm."
I think that I would move this portion of the essay into a different supplement. This type of content shouldn't be a part of your common app essay because this is more about like the school and what you're going to do there. So it's more suitable for a "Why Us" essay or "What are you gonna contribute to our campus?" kind of essay. On that note, if Wednesday does move this to the other supplement, I would tell her, you have to be really specific.
For example, if Wednesday was applying to Cornell, I would ask her, what about Cornell states that they are a campus that cherishes authenticity and values the unorthodox? Is it a particular theater group? Is it a particular club? Is it a particular major or a specific professor? What about the community? How do you know that the Cornell community appreciates beauty in deviating from the norm? Is there a sculpture that kind of represents that idea? Is it stated in their motto? Is it restated and chanted at their games? These are questions to consider for the "Why Us" essay.
So for Wednesday to finish off this common app essay, I would like for her somehow to go to reference the beginning sequence. Let's say she did open up with an image of cobwebs, black roses, haunting melodies and juxtaposed it with typical prom imagery: flowery dresses, pop music, limousines. I would want her to return to that juxtaposition at the end. That's what we mean by full circle is referencing something at the beginning, at the end. Parallel structure is always nice. It's very satisfying. So I would encourage her to look for ways to end the essay in a more visual place rather than summarizing what she learned because we already know what she learned through the story she's telling us.
So overall, I would rate Wednesday's essay a five out of 10, because I think it's a really unique topic. You can tell that she's a really unique person. When I read it, I want to know her more. I do like that there is a lot of special imagery unique to her that really brings us into the scene.
Not bad Wednesday Addams. I hope Wednesday gets into her dream college.
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